Not my own strength..

The battle is not over, in fact, it has only just begun. The agonizing torment can already be heard throughout the battlefield as Jeremy seems to be falling to his knees, weakened by what feels to be a thousand fiery darts weighing him down. His sword would be found laying a good twenty feet behind him. His armor has been found broken and left in the mud; lost. Tears now fall from his eyes as defeat is on the horizon. Where is your God now?! He has betrayed you! Him and all of your friends and family. Where is the love that you so desire? You're nothing. You always have been nothing, and you always will be nothing! No wife. No children. No friends. No God. You have been defeated. His body tightened and fists were made as he heard someone's prayer flow gently with the wind that held its' own against the opposing rainfall. Suddenly, Jeremy's sword had appeared in his hands as if he had it all along. With difficulty he raised his broken body up and stuck the sword in the mud, using it as a cane in attempt to stand. No avail. Jeremy found himself continuing to falling back into the mud and the muck.. Which seemed to be much more muck than mud at this point. "Oh Strength, where art thou? My flesh is weak. My faith is shaken. I cannot win this alone.. Help me, O' Lord.. lest I find myelf engulfed in this darkness; lost forever."

From the vapor I no longer desire.

Oh strength, where art thou? Have I hidden from you once again? Lead me not astray O' Lord.. but into thine hands alone. For whom else can I trust but thee? The flesh has betrayed me, O' Lord my God. Thine hands alone protect me from things that will soon perish. From the vapor I look up at you and see your wounds. From the vapor I look up and see your glory. Let it cast down onto me so that I may spread it like wildfire. As your glory is infinite let it be casts through the finite to overwhelm the perishing. Let your might shine through me so I may be as bold as a mountain; unshakeable and immovable. Let your glory shine through this armor you've given me, let my shield not only defend but deflect light against the enemy as the sword of the spirit is thrust downwards to destroy evil and its deception. I am a child of God, but a warrior I will forever stand beside my King Jesus. Let it be known that not it is not my own strength that carries this armor or weaponry. Let it be known that it is not my own will that first desired Him. But it is He that first desired me, therefore I stand amongst you, my brethren in arms against the evil one for the glory of Yahweh.

You'd think I'd have something to post by now.. Every day I've sat for at least an hour typing up a few lines and then backspacing. Ultimately giving up.. A lot of things are up in the air for me right now so it's proven difficult to grab ahold of one thing and focus on it. Admittedly most of what makes me busy is thinking about my next move. Including worrying about it.. I wonder when I'll stop worrying about things and just live. I guess I can be pretty indecicive sometimes, as well as stubborn. Bad combination is bad. Oh well, for now I will wait until I have a clear view of every thing. For the most part I can say; I'm happy. Nervous for the future, absolutely. Worried of the outcome, absolutely. Wishing I'd stop worrying, quite. Is God still good? Without a doubt.

All for you my King

My fellow followers in Jesus,


I want to thank you for spending any time at all on my blog. For almost an entire month I've been eager to blog. Eager to just share my heart with you. But every time I hit the notepad I just go blank. I want to share my life with you but I go blank. Why is this? Writers block, per chance? Well no more! Tonight I give you my profession of faith. My resolution. Who says you need a new year to have a resolution? Just as we are to thank God not only on Thanksgiving but every moment we can.. Daily I believe we are to surrender to Jesus to ''Take the wheel'' if you will. So I do this now in respect to a song that I've recently listened to that just opens my heart in a whole new way. Without keeping you any further, read these lyrics.

I'll lay it out for all to see
What You my God have done for me.
I'm not holding back now
Oh-ohhhh.

I got my heart on my sleeve
No lies in between
I'm not holding back

I'm gonna sing
I'm gonna dance
I'm gonna praise You
Like I never had the chance.

And I'm gonna run
Like I've been set free
I'm gonna live
All for You my King.

Oh I'm gonna sing
Yeahhh
Oh I'm gonna sing.
Yeahh

Here it is, inside out
All will know what I'm about.
I'm not holding back now
Oh-ohhh.

I won't deny what You have done.
You are my saving One.
I'm not holding back

I'm gonna sing
I'm gonna dance
I'm gonna praise You
Like I never had the chance.

And I'm gonna run
Like I've been set free
I'm gonna live
All for You my King.

Ohh I'm gonna sing.

I will not be silent.
I'll become even more dignified than this.
Ohhh-oh-ohhh.

I will not be silent.
I'll become even more dignified than this.

I'm gonna sing
I'm gonna dance
I'm gonna praise You
Like I never had the chance.

And I'm gonna run
Like I've been set free
I'm gonna live
All for You my King.

Oh I'm gonna sing.
Oh I'm gonna sing.
Oh I'm gonna sing.
Oh I'm gonna sing.
I'm gonna sing

____________________________________________________
And here it is by Chris August: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGcfHBLlmZg
____________________________________________________

There is a back-beat, be warned. But seriously? I challenge any one to hear to song completely and still tell me that it's evil.

So that's just it! Don't you hear the beauty? Don't you see how you just can't help but to smile while listening to these lyrics?
This is my profession.
My extra resolution.

I'm GOING to sing.
I'm GOING to dance.
I'm GOING to praise You like I've never had the chance.
And so on!

All for you my King.

The fire has been set loose. Christ will spread like wildfire through my life. Not because of what I do, but what God does through me. Praise God if I'm convicted enough to be a Christian. There is no better calling in life but to give glory to the name of Jesus Christ. Do you realize what He's done for me?
Do you realize what He's done for YOU? This is incredible. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JESUS HERE!

When's the last time you sang about/for Jesus?
When's the last time you danced about/for Jesus?
When's the last time you just declared the name of Jesus as ruler of your life to an unbeliever?
When's the last time you gave up your own desires just to prove your loyalty and love for Jesus? Even if there was nothing wrong with what you gave up!
When's the last time your prayer was ENTIRELY about thanking Jesus?

I'm talking to me, first.
O' Lord.. I am so undone.
To even think about why you've sent Jesus to die for me.. just baffles me.
O' Lord.. You are worthy. You are worthy.
Thank you..
Thank you for your Son.
Thank you for my friends and family.
Thank you for my future wife and family.
Thank you for Your blood which was spilled for me.

All for you my King.

Amen.

I haven't done much study on the student which you'll find out who at the end, but this is a pretty interesting conversation.

____________________________________

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S.


By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
_______________________________

Incredible.

Jesus ALONE.

God has set a fire in my soul. His fire has set my engines on high, full throttle ahead! But what happens in a month or two is I burn out. I start to slow down in what seems to be quicksand. No matter what I do it seems like I have no more energy, no more oil or gas to burn. I'm..exhausted. Somewhat like what happened to me tonight. I was headed to a dinner gathering to see Jonathon Adams and a few other friends. About 25 miles later I start getting lost because of all the construction. All the traffic as well, and all the stop lights.. My car starts to overheat. Now this is a known problem and I'm aware I need to get it fixed. But it's gotten so bad that I can't drive it anymore until I get it fixed. But here's my point, I start overheating because my radiator fan doesn't work. So how it works(until I get it fixed) is.. when I'm driving the wind moves the fan to cool my radiator, which has coolant in it to cool my engine as it runs. That being said, I can only sit at so many stop lights before it overheats from the fan not cooling it off. Well, as I guessed from all the traffic I start seeing smoke from under my hood. Next thing I know I'm on the side of the road calling the guys that I'll be a little late. As per car if one thing doesn't work it generally effects another dependent. As I guessed, it overheated so bad my radiator started to leak. Now It doesn't hold coolant! No coolant means I can only go so far before the engine will need more coolant to keep it steady and cool. Well without it, the engine will lock up to prevent it from setting itself on fire. Do you see the resemblance? It's subtle, but it's there. The connection is that without proper upkeep to the car things go wrong and one thing leads to another, next thing you know you're burnt out on the side of the road - Without Jesus and his Holy Word to sustain your walk with Him, without that daily upkeep, you're going to burn out. So what do I do? I rest in the world instead of in Him.. I sit at my computer and resort to entertainment. What I'm good at; passivity. Why is it that every other month or so this happens? I need to find a balance.. this isn't a race, but it is a marathon. I keep thinking I need to be this.. Super Christian when in reality I just need to look to Jesus and Him alone. Not to any other man.
While we have some Christians out there who promote a system and formula to the bible which scares me because I see no love in that. I believe scripture teaches us many things, but not to live life in such a system where if you don't follow the perfect-way-of-life; you're an outcast.
Then there are Christians who are so half-hearted that their belief is an unrepentant passivity to life now that they're saved.

A lot of what I've come to believe over the years have actually turned out to be questionable. I don't want to choose one side because it's easier, or another side because it's safer.
I want to follow Jesus. Because where there is Jesus, there is grace. There is love. Hope, faith, joy, absolute and perfect peace.
I've come to the point where I'm testing every thing I've come to know with scripture. As I should! But at the same time.. I'm also a bit lost on what I believe. My foundation is on Jesus, but what about the details? I want to spread the good news of Jesus but I also want to be ready of the questions that come with spreading that good news.

Unfortunately I'm back to basics on what I believe.
Fortunately what I DO know is one thing.
My foundation is this: Jesus died on the cross for my sins. He paid the ultimate sacrifice I could not.
Okay, so that's a good foundation. But where's my identity? It's in Christ but.. how do I act? What am I supposed to portray?
Just that: JESUS!
To love others just as Jesus loved me.
Any farther than that.. I'm at a loss. Even though the prior notes are an amazing comfort.. every thing else concerning what I believe will need to be studied and tested with scripture. I have a long walk ahead of me. This will be no easy task, and God doesn't promise an easy, comfortable journey. But He does promise to walk me through it. You know I read this passage lately and It just jumped out at me. No matter what belief system that's thrown my way, this scripture is very comforting.

Romans 8:37-39.
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

No more preachers taking scripture out of context.
No more sermons that lead me astray.
Take the world and give me Jesus.
O' Lord, show me the way the truth and the light. And only by you shall I stand.

His Creation; my desire.

Tell me.. what makes a lake beautiful? Why is it that we stand in awe of a big body of water? Or even a little pond? While a little pond or creek we find that underneath is a lot of mud and muck.
Is it.. the amount of movies that we see that implants an idea in our head that tells us this is a beautiful thing or that a sunset is a beautiful thing?
Is it the difference in land as one step is on gravel then the next your falling into water?
Is it the risk that you'll fall in?

.. Or is it God? That made beautiful things in this world..and just as he puts in every one of us a conscious that there's a higher power or how we already find moral values of right and wrong before it's taught to us? Is it God that put the idea in our heads that this earth is given to us as a temporary home.. But also as a place to explore!
Meant for us to see.
Meant for us to find.
Meant for us to SUBDUE.

A dragon isn't there to look pretty. It's there to show the fierceness of this world. Maybe even to defeat. Like a formation of the Blue Angels (United States Flight squadron) flying by your window, its' roar is like the thunderous clouds of a thousand trumpets next to you. It's powerful.
Just as a waterfall deep in the forest is meant to be seen.

I want to explore the world God has given to us. I want to capture it and share it to those like-minded who get joy from simply gazing at the stars at night and standing in awe of God's amazing creations.

Oh courage, where art thou?

You know you're starting to hit the bottom of the barrell when you find that the darkness doesn't scare you anymore. Not out of courage where your motivation or will is stronger than fear, but the fact that you're no longer scared of the darkness because you're a part of it.

Recovery.

Today I went to church for the first time in about a month. I was on medical leave from work for a few weeks but I feel like I didn't make Jesus a priority throughout the entire ordeal. I used it as an excuse to sit back and procrastinate about every thing that I was doing. Everything that I had to do. Every thing that needed to be done. I slowly started to feel like I was in quicksand. Every day I put things off I felt like I was digging even deeper into my little hole. The further I ran away from God the more guilty I felt. The further I ran away from the light the easier it was to stay there, even though the whole time in the back of my mind I knew.. I knew I needed to face the music.

Oh courage.. where art thou?

I don't know what's up ahead of me tomorrow or even in the next hour. What I do know is.. now that I'm climbing out of this whole I've dug for myself... I'm starting to see every thing a little different. For example today at work.. every thing was just so beautiful to me. The grass, the sky, the birds. The pond, every thing in my eyes sight just had an incredible flavor to it that I wanted to take a picture of it all. As I walked through the grass that I've walked through hundreds of times I felt my soul finally at peace. I felt comfort. I felt loved. Like an overflowing waterfall above me just pouring into me;. Overwelmed with peace.

There will be a day with no more tears. No more pain, no more fear. There will be a day where I'll see Jesus face to face and there will be no more hiding.

Help me O Lord, to fall in love with you once again. To renew my soul and take back the ground I've given to satan. Renew my heart and renew my mind. I no longer wish to desire things of my own but things of you.

One thing I have noticed about some blogs I read. They say little about themselves and more about Jesus. I really appreciate that in a person's character. That it's not about them.. it's about Him. I'm trying to learn this myself and most of my life it's been all about me, entertainment and more of me. Thank you to those who dedicate these blogs to Him, and not themselves. Your words mean a lot more to some people than you may realize.

O' Joy, where art thou?

Oh what joy it is to have a church you truly find joy in. I tell you.. I wouldn't give up my church for the world.
But what makes a church? Is it the building, playground, or excellent child care? Nay, it is the people.
The people make up the church. The people ARE the church. I don't think we say this enough, how important the church is.
The people at my church I consider family. My brothers, my sisters, my fathers and mothers all in Christ. There are a lot of people in my church who may not even realize just how much I love to have fellowship with. Some people I could just sit and talk with for hours about Jesus and spend even more hours praying.

Like today after Faith Bible Institute, Dennis, Faith, Grace and myself stood inside and prayed for a young mormon girl named Sydney. And you know what?
I BELIEVE she will come to Christ.
I BELIEVE Jesus will woo her.
I BELIEVE God will save His daughter.

The power of prayer is so incredible it's beyond any of our understanding why the God of the universe, nay, the CREATOR of the universe even cares about what we think or pray about. The more I get to know Jesus.. daily I find myself baffled by the great things He does for me. I am a sinner and when I wasn't even following He still provided for me. Come to think about it I haven't gone ONE SINGLE day without food or suppliment? By the grace of God and much respect for my mother.. Fatherless, growing up behind a computer screen looking for pleasures of the flesh and satisfaction. I never found it.. Finally, God pulled me out of that life. I found Jesus.. and now my life has completely turned around. Now I'm on my own two feet, paying my own bills, my own car.. I have a life now. And that's not because anything I've done aside from the work I put into it, but that He provided. And it's just that. HE provided it. He provided every thing out of complete grace. WOW. How AWESOME IS THAT?

Now and days I'm so worried about my career, my future wife, my future family... Future this, future that. What someone reminded me today was that I shouldn't be worried about the future. Thanks to Jesus my future is SET. Enjoy the present, and the future will come on it's own. Build this character now so that I wont bring it into marriage. To stop focusing on the blueprints and how the tower will look in the end and... just set one brick at a time.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

Those of you worried about something... a wise person once told me this and it always stuck with me. It's so simple, yet powerful. It's to not dwell on things that upset you. Simple right, but how powerful is that to keep with you day by day? How many times do you get upset, frustrated, or irritated? Don't dwell on it. In fact, REPLACE IT!

Replace it with a memory, a thought, an idea. Perhaps something funny.. like someone rolling into a pond.
You'd be surprised just how a simple smile can be contageous.
This life is.. merely a vapor. Enjoy it.. Christ offers so much joy. Have you even attempted to ask for it, or did you just get frustrated and blame Him?
I know I have. Let me ask you something.

Male or female.
When's the last time you had to control an impulse of just raising your hands in absolute joy to the Lord and shouting to thank Him?
Last time for me was on the way home tonight from FBI. Of course.. I had to drive so I couldn't exactly jump for joy or raise my Hands.
God saw my heart though.. Call me an oddball of a man to have such girly impulses. I think it's awesome.

3 hours later, 4 full posts deleted.

I give up on writing one tonight.
Maybe it's better off that way.

The Armor of God - Don't leave it in your closet.

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of his mercy
As deep cries out to deep - we sing;

Come Lord Jesus come.
Come LORD JESUS come!
COME LORD JESUS COME!
- All who are Thirsty by Kutless -

I don't usually quote songs, but this one spoke to me today as I fasted. And I noticed something. My ''fasting'' was more or less only a day, as a trial run. Next time I'll be more prepared for spiritual warfare. Boy, what a battle today..

On the outside was a BEAUTIFUL day, filled with a light smile as I patrolled on the Golf Cart. But on the inside roared with fiery arrows falling down on me, sword against sword clashing as my spiritual battle raged and the victory line pushed back and forth. Call me imaginative, but I truly believe that's what happened. God provided me armor of light, the Armor of GOD, for what? To hug myself to death in a mirror? No - My God gave me His armor, shield and sword because there is a battle to fight. And although the main war has already been won thanks to Jesus, my battle still rages on day by day until my savior returns. Come Lord Jesus, come...

I'm not ready to announce what battle I fought today, what lies were thrown my way or what was found inside my own heart, but it sure hit me to the core. It felt like.. Like I knew all the answers, yet I still managed to feel the effects of a lie even though I didn't believe it. Like knowing a wall isn't there, but still afraid of it being there as you walk into it. In turn you essentially making it real, and falling because of it. If that makes any sense at all... It's the reason why mothers wouldn't dare think of their children being hit by a car. They know it didn't happen, but the thought alone would drive you insane. That's what I felt today. Believing lies I knew weren't true. I rejoice, however. As I fasted today, kind of.. I didn't face challenges or battles I knew I could win, but rather I faced what MADE me lean on Jesus for strength. An issue I needed to work on instead of an issue I'm having great progress in.

God knows my heart, and when the fast ended with a nice slice of pizza (Praise God), the battle ceased. I realized what heart issue I needed to work on, and next time.. I'll be prepared for it. How, you ask?

The Lord God gives us this awesome manual for fighting these battles. How much more prepared can you get?

Ephesians 6:10-20 - ''Finally my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might, put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.


6:14 - Stand therefore, having girded your waste with truth.
(Girding up was a matter of pulling in the loose ends as preparation for battle. The belt that pulls all the spiritual loose ends in is ''truth'' or better, ''truthfulness'. The idea is of sincere commitment to fight and win without hypocrisy - self discipline in devotion to victory. Everything that hinders is tucked away.)

- having put on the breastplate of righteousness.
(As believers faithfully live in obedience to and communion with Jesus Christ, His own righteousness produces in them the practical, daily righteousness that becomes their spiritual breastplate.)

6:15 - and having shod your feet with preparation of the gospel of peace.
(It is that confidence of divine support which allows the believer to stand firm, knowing that since he is at peace with God, God is his strength.)

6:16 - above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
(The believer's continual trust in God's word and promise is ''above all'' absolute necessary to protect him from temptations to every sort of sin.)

6:17 - And take the helmet of salvation.
(Although a Christian's feelings about his salvation may be seriously damaged by Satan-inspired doubt, his salvation itself is eternally protected and he need not fear it's loss. )

6:17 - and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God.
(As the sword was the soldier's only weapon, so God's Word is the only needed weapon, infinitely more powerful than any of Satan's. It is the truth of scripture, in this case, provided as a weapon against Satan.)

'' - being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
______

I will be ready.
Mark my words, God is with me.

I will be courageous.

What does it take to be a man?
I want to know.

When does a boy become a man? When he simply puts away childish things, or perhaps when is it when a man is legal to drive, vote, or have a job?

I believe a man isn't defined by age or what battle scars he has from what kind of challenges he goes through. How far he can spit or how smelly he can fart. I believe a man isn't defined by what licenses he has, how much money he has or what kind of car he drives. I believe a man isn't defined by what kind of house he lives in or how ''hot'' his girlfriend is.

I believe a man is defined by the choices he makes and the life that he leads. Not lives, but leads. A man, bibically, is called to be a spiritual leader. That means he doesn't just live life because it's what every one else does, but through Jesus, through His death, burial and resurrection we have the freedom and are able to LEAD our families and children to be examples of the light and love that is; Jesus.

Our generation desperately needs courageous men to step up. We need men who will not be swayed by the culture or afraid of criticism. We need men who are resolved to lead their families no matter what. Men to teach sexual purity to their sons and daughters so that more children wont enter the world without married parents. Men who stick to their marriage vows and cry out for God's help to love their wives rather than giving up during difficult times. - Resolution for Men

Let's look at it with scripture.

A man is an adult male - Leviticus 27:3
Who accepts his masculinity - 1 Corinthians 16:13
Speaks and acts with maturity - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Embraces responsibility Genesis - 1:26; 2:15
Functions independently Genesis - 2:24; Matthew 12:46-50
Can lead a family faithfully - Genesis - 2:24; 1 Timothy 3:4-5
Recognizes his accountability Ecclesiastes - 12:13-14
As an image bearer of God - Genesis1:26; Corinthians 11:7-9
___
One day God metaphorically pulled me to the side and told me He's chosen me to turn my family around. Not only my currently family, but the fact that I'm going to have a family of my own in the future. I will be a husband, a father, and by God's grace I plan to lead them as their spiritual leader. As a fatherless child, I know the importance of that role to be fulfilled. I will not leave them, nor do I have spite against my own father that left my mother.

God has set a fire within me that burns passionately for Jesus. The same Jesus that hung on that cross to pay the price that was on my shoulders. Thanks to Jesus ALONE, by God's grace through my faith and trust in Him that He alone carried that punishment away and eternally keeps me from breaking that sacrifice.. I'm free.

He also set a fire within me that burns passionately towards being a father. Day by day I seek opportunities, sermons, scripture, examples in other ways to be a loving, understanding, serving, leading husband and father. By the grace of God I spend all my free time learning and meditating on being a strong spiritual leader.

But you see, it's not me. Lord knows that I would never try to or even CARE about any one other than myself. But I am a new creation, crucified with Christ. God has given me a new heart as a new creation to serve, glorify and ultimately please Him.
But I am a long way from pleasing Him. O' Lord, teach me.. show me the lies that I so desperately need Your truth for.

To conclude this post I will say one more thing.

I'm scared.

The same reason I'm scared is the same tool God used to set me free from a deep, DEEP sin that I've had for almost 13 years. January 14th, 2012 I was set free from that sin and here's why. The bondage that I've been under for so long will have to be mentioned to the lady I intend to marry. Most likely she'll be hurt by it. That image alone is hard to bare, hurting my wife. Every thing I do is rooted in being more like Jesus, every hour I work every dream I dream, every step I take and every sermon I listen to is rooted into being more holy because He is holy. If I'm so on fire for being a better husband and yet I start a marriage with a hurting her, what does that say about me as a man?

..I have a lot to learn. I'm glad I'm now free but I just wish I had found freedom much sooner than this. Perhaps I shouldn't complain as much.

Until next time, God be with you.

''As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.'' - Joshua 24:15

Nothing but joy.

Sometimes.. you have no power over the impulse to smile, sing, or drop to your knees and just thank God for the daily joy He gives you. Is it just me?

Something about me that is quite obvious if you know me at all.
I'm a bit emotional.

Most of you will chuckle and ask, "A bit?"

Either way, I was once told that the ratio on men is about 80/20.
80% Thinkers
20% Emotional.

I definitely fall into that 20%. I consider this a blessing.
I feel happiness stronger than most.
I feel joy stronger than most.
I feel sorrow stronger than most.
I feel other people's emotions stronger than most.
Why God, have you blessed me with this? Why have you created me to FEEL much more deeper joy or sorrow? Teach me how to use this to Your glory, Lord..

Faith Bible Institute was amazing tonight.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy every second of the knowledge and wisdom he gives.. But I wish he'd talk more about Jesus. Instead of using the term Savior, sometimes I wish he'd say the name; JESUS! Although I'm sure he has his reasons so I'm not one to complain. Perhaps that's my own impulse to want to shout the name Jesus on the rooftops. I might get shot for that though....... FOR CHRIST! =D

(By the way, I'm sorry for the way I phrased my comment to you at church. Instead of telling you to update your blog, I really wanted just to ask when the next update is coming. Instead it came out more as a demand which I never meant for it to be. Sorry!) Comment directed towards one person that hopefully reads this.

Anyway, So it's apparently my birthday tomorrow. But what does this even mean?
Jeremy's Birth Day. Day of my birth. The birth of another sinner in which murdered Jesus. But through His death, burial and resurrection I was washed by the blood of the Lamb, cleansed and justified through Christ so that I may be saved and indeed do some good in this temporary life. To serve HIM well and to love others as HE loved me. So you see my birthday shouldn't actually be anything about me, but merely a reminder that Jesus, God clothed in flesh, sent to die on the cross for my sins so that I may have life. Thank you Jesus. Thank you at the fact that even if I was the only person on this planet, you'd still hang on the cross for me for the joy that was set before you and save a sinner like me.

What an amazing truth to dwell on.

The few people who read this, I ask you..
What's holding you back on that big idea you've been having?
This may be directed towards one person I don't know. I just feel prompted to ask..
Something that you've been thinking about lately. Something big that may have some risk involved or may be a bigger leap of faith than you're comfortable with.
What's holding you back?
Is it your own excuse?

Jeremiah 29:13

Silence.

Dear Internet,

You've served me in many purposes over the majority of my life. 90% of that time it created a deeper and deeper hole for my laziness. But are you to blame? There is no one to blame but myself. In a world growing rapidly in technology, it's hard to escape your entertainment. But what are you, really? Why do you hold so much importance in my life? I ask myself this question from time to time; What would I do without a computer? What would I do without the internet? Would it matter that I wasn't in tune with every one's social updates? Would I survive if I didn't finish my show Burn Notice? Would I overcome the weakness when it comes again?

In a week from now on my days off.. What will happen when I have nothing to do? Perhaps out of boredom comes inspiration.. What if inspiration was born specifically from creativity?

In a month from now, granted I survive the weeks prior.. what will happen if I find that I need the internet to get by? Anywhere from a blog, to looking something up on Google.. Getting directions or checking my email.

I can't count how many times I've wished I was blind so I could get passed my pride, lust, or simply appreciating life all the more.

I can't count how many times I've wished I was on a deserted island to reach a point where I get past all these distractions and get to the core of God's will for me.

Why does it have to be an extreme measure for me to SEE?
How many more nights will I be up at 2am writing a blog about mountains I seem to climb but come up against the same mountain a week later?

I'm taking a break. Entertainment, mostly. Silence and solitude, I hope.
Just for a little while. No revelations or resolutions.
What comes out of this will between me and God, and the evidence of change you see.

Apart from that, I suppose I'll write another entry in a week or two.

So, dear reader, I ask you this. What's most important in your life and the evidence to prove it? Are you TRULY to the point where you ask yourself on a daily basis.."What can I do today to give God the glory He deserves?" or "Who can I pray for today?" or "Okay Lord, today is a special day because YOU created it. Today you've given me life, you've given me breath and for a reason! Just like the lions roar and the eagles soar, Jesus lives for me today. Who can I serve..."

You're in my prayers.

I hope you feel better.

Family; Our hearts stirred.

What happens when you realize something you've prayed for or wanted for most or all your life finally comes to reality? What happens when you find a cornerstone that changes just about every thing in your life including your own perspective?

What happens when you understand the principle of seeing God's handy work or reasoning only in hindsight, and yet.. you come to find the Holy Spirit revealing it to you in the present?

This morning I woke up to find the alarm clock yelling at me. Finally after mentally throwing it out the window, I gave in and got up. I had lunch with my mother today and it turned out better than I ever could have imagined. It's amazing how a few words can show so many things. You see, my mother has always been the bane of my existence before I got saved. Always nagging at me, always bitter and angry, yelling and the like. Little did I know 90% of the problem was my own heart. I find now that she's possibly the best mother I could have ever asked for, and wouldn't trade her for the world. For 15-17 years now she's left the church and gone far off the path from God. With a lifestyle of bitterness and rebellion.. she's currently making less money than any one in the family, living a ''hell-hold''(She'd say) with the demons to go with it. Without further detail, know this. She's at the end of the line, hiding it well, I can see through it. She's deeply depressed.

Today.. God has shown me a spark. A light. A soft light at the end of the tunnel. Hope.

Two things occurred.
1. For over 30 years she's been smoking. Today, she hasn't had a cigarette the entire 24 hours(18 of which she was awake for) and apparently is her ''Quit-Date for smoking" -- THIRTY YEARS. Picture not only doing something, but something ADDICTIVE for 30 years at least 9-12 times a day. Quitting is nothing short of a miracle.

2. While having lunch with me today I invited her to come to church with me. I told her not to poke or prod at her about God, but to just be there surrounded by loving people who wouldn't judge you. I told her that sometimes I don't even think I deserved to be there but by the end of the day my spirit is renewed it seems, and I couldn't imagine going the rest of the week had I not gone to church. It's uplifting.. It's motivating. She said no, of course. But she turned her head and told me that the days that she used to go to church she used to feel like that as well. And what's better? She told me... "Eventually.." DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS? Perhaps, perhaps not. I've known my mother forever of course, but it doesn't take a psychologist to see that her words and emotions at the time were solid. Straight forward. She essentially meant, "I'm not there yet, but I know I'll come back to the Lord eventually.. I know I will." That's a lot from just one word, but I saw her face. I looked in her eyes. I know what I saw. I could feel it.

I was in tears when Ruben, merely my best friend, went up to the altar during invitation. But my MOTHER? This is incredible news. God has shown me hope. The light. So many people have been praying for this.. This is just incredible. I can NOT explain how my cup overflows with joy right now. Just think if my entire family eventually goes to church every Sunday.. After my mother there's only my sister left to focus our prayers on for her to return to the Lord. And while I'm soon to start taking my niece and nephew to church every Sunday they'll go home telling mommy about Jesus and how wonderful is FBLC, the church that their mother(My sister) used to go to.

All these things are happening so fast. Praise be to God for all this. He is stirring our hearts and I've never been happier. I prayed for my family before all this came to pass, and this is what He answered with:

2 Chronicles 30:9 For if ye turn again unto the LORD, your brethren and your children shall find compassion before them that lead them captive, so that they shall come again into this land: for the LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn away his face from you, if ye return unto him.

God, you are AWESOME. With all my spirit, soul and body I acknowledge your sovereignty in this.. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

__

Readers, hear this. The Bible says in ALL things acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths. It's clear that He wants ALL your life, not just most of it. The moment you finally take that step and give it to Jesus.. the moment your life will turn around and quite literally take you by surprise. What's holding you back?

Career; an answered prayer.

Wow. Just an incredible day for me. As I left for work today things started unfolding as the day continued. Small notice after small notice. I'll skip the details and go straight to the point simply because I'm in dire need of sleep at the moment.

I asked for guidance, through scripture He told me that he'll show me my next step. Not only that but He'll guide me through it.
He did the first part today. He showed me my next FEW steps actually.

Here's what I am to do.

My career path, something I've been wrestling with for YEARS, if not for the last six years; the fact that I now know what it is... is probably the biggest step in my life I've taken since I chose to be scripturally baptized after the Lord saved me.

Career; IT (Which of course is a wide selection of titles, God didn't tell me what I'll be, He simply told me where to go. Praise God for that.)

Sometime between now and August I'll be setting up a plan and saving a bit to go to a certain college. I've just found all this out today so there's still some planning and praying I need to do.
All in all, my first step is getting my Associates Degree in Computer Science. Then I'll be going for my A+ Certification, probably something I can also do both at the same time. This will get my foot in the door and initially my plan after that is to be some kind of support desk to get my foot in the door and work my way up. Whether that happens like that or not is up the God, but the college part is definite itself. I'm ahead of some people in knowledge, I'm also behind some people as well. But God revealed this to me so He MUST have a purpose for all this.

This is my career now. My future. His will.

I feel so blessed that He's finally revealed this to me. It was as simple as asking in prayer, and finding His answer in scripture. Where.. the words just feel like they jump out at you like they never have before where your mind/eyes feel like they're a magnet towards them.. Or at least that's how I felt Him answer me. At that moment the Holy Spirit filled me with peace and I knew that this was His answer. He was pleased by my small growth in faith that I went straight to scripture for an answer.

Either way this has been such a wonderful day, so many things I could mention that has made my life not to mention this spec of a day so joyful and peaceful. By the grace of God alone. With much more to say but at the same time a pillow calling my name.. I'll leave it be for now. More to come later.



Because of His blood,
- Jeremy

First Baptist of Las Colinas

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV

I guess He knew all along that I would return to First Baptist of Las Colinas. From around seven years old to about twelve years old I came to FBLC and all I left with was John 3:16 hidden in my heart but yet without understanding, and a ton of memories. My best friend in that church was Josh and he's now with the Lord. 90% of the other people I knew around my age up to around 22 years old.. well, they aren't really following the Lord at the moment. So there I was. The church split up after the pastor passed away and my family stopped going. Up until I was 21 years old I sat behind a computer screen playing video games day in and day out. This became an addiction among other things that come with the internet. When I came back to FBLC I was welcomed with open arms full of love. Invited to sit with a few young men and saved by Pastor Dale on my first year. From that point on I've been going. Now that three years has passed, I'm almost 24 years old and I can't think of any other place I'd rather be on Sundays, Wednesdays or any other day needed. My attendance isn't perfect though. Sure, I find refuge in Jesus. But no one is ever going to tell me that Church is useless. Not every church is the same, but my church is beyond what I could have ever asked for or even imagined.

The difference of now and how it was when I was young is abundant. Here are a few things.

We don't have a Youth Group. We don't come to church to split up, we stick together as a family. We stick together, learn, grow and worship together as a family.
I say family because that's exactly what we are. Where when we sing we actually enjoy it, we smile and sing praise to the Lord instead of singing it because that's what the music director chose.

This week I failed horribly spiritually. Without going into detail, going to church wasn't something I was looking forward to. Because I didn't think I deserved to be there. At the same time I was afraid of confronting my convictions. I was hiding, and that's where sin gets its' strength; secrecy. Thankfully, the Lord gave me strength to get up and hop in that shower. Realizing someone else depends on me to get to church, and I consider that a blessing in more ways than one. I still didn't feel like I deserved to go. Unprepared and unorganized, I wasn't ready. So much so that I didn't bother singing, simply moving my lips to the words. I didn't think I deserved to even be heard. By the end of the sermon I had grown tired of wrestling with the Lord, holding tight to my old ways. I was done. I closed my eyes and prayed and begged for forgiveness as I gave all my sin to Him. All my worry, all my struggle, all my heart and soul to Jesus on the cross. Immediately I forgot why I felt like I didn't deserve to be there and I knew that it was Him.

I'm not where I should be.
But I'm definitely on the path to get there. The Lord said it is not good to be alone. He didn't only mean in marriage. In Fellowship with those around you, especially at church. Today among every Sunday.. I was encouraged. I was motivated. I was renewed. No one will ever take that away from me. The joy that I get from seeking wisdom from good, godly fathers and the fellowship I receive from friends around me. All in the house of the Lord where we come to worship, give thanks, praise and learn about Jesus. Sometimes that's all it takes.. to completely turn my world around. Whether it's hearing truths from scripture being taught, or having a 1-on-1 chat with someone. I find nothing but blessings at First Baptist of Las Colinas.

I guess He always knew I'd come back. I guess He always had plans for me to come back home to Him. No matter where God takes me in life, whether internationally or locally. First Baptist of Las Colinas will forever be my home in this temporary world.

I plead to you. I beg of you... whoever reads this. He has plans for you. He has already prepared an answered for your prayer you haven't even prayed yet. Close your eyes right now, and give thanks to God that He is sovereign over your life. That if you are His.. he will never leave you nor forsake you.

The Resolution for 2012

My Resolution for 2012.

Now I typically don't believe in resolutions but for the sake of making it about Jesus I don't see what could be of any harm in doing so. I'm pretty excited about this year, this previous year has been incredible and by the grace of God extremely productive.

Let's look at it in just a few ways, among thousands of blessings He's given me.
I now have a job of six months now that's given me a car of my own, an apartment of my own. I'm standing on my own two feet paying my own bills. I wash my own clothes and do my own dishes. Now to some that doesn't seem like much, but from a life of sloth and bitterness to do anything other than benefits my own personal gain; it's a lot.

Every thing was always given to me. Now, by the grace and provision of my Father God, I'm pursuing a life for Christ and in doing so He's blessed me with teaching me how to be a Man. This includes providing for at least myself even though lately I've provided for two.. This also includes how to be a role model to my niece and nephew. This includes patience and diligence into learning and loving Jesus. This includes reading and studying, learning from scripture and other men on how to be a good godly man. As a father-less child, more than most of my efforts are towards how to be a good father and husband. How to be a spiritual leader for my family with a foundation on nothing or no one other than our Lord Jesus Christ.

Among many other things I can mention, my cup runs over in abundance of His grace. So here's my one and only resolution.

If there's ANYTHING I do right this year, It's to be prudent in following Jesus. No matter where He leads me, every thing I do, say, think and pray about let it be for the sake of Christ living in me so that others will see His light and love shines brilliantly and the Word of God spreads like wildfire.

Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

You know Paul said if Christ weren't resurrected we wasted our lives. That IMPLIES that our lives should be built around Jesus being alive. He died so we could live.

Need I say more?