A call to serve

O' God Almighty, my Father, who loves me beyond measurement. Daily I find myself at the edge of my capabilities and you gently remind me to rely on You. Even throughout my concern and wonder, throughout my struggle to give it all to You. Then I remember--You're not finished with me yet.

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James has been on my heart for the past few weeks. It's strange how you can read something five or six times, even listen to sermons about it and completely miss what God has to tell you. I don't know if my heart wasn't ready for it or not, perhaps God had His perfect timing come into play, but something happened today.  

To give you an idea of what was on my mind, I've been struggling with my memory for, well, I think since I began my walk with Jesus. It seems I can easily remember something a friend said years ago, even in the correct tone, or so many lyrics from a multitude of songs. But when it comes to scripture or a sermon I hear it seems I go blank when it comes to applying it to my life. 

I can hear a two-hour sermon about how to act in a situation but when that situation comes to pass only moments later; I blank and jump to the natural worldly reaction as to fit in or not seem ''off''. I'm sitting in my car today just pondering what's wrong with my memory. Is it me? Genetics? Then I had a jolting idea (Perhaps from the Holy Spirit) to stop listening to sermons and read straight from scripture. Since I didn't have a bible on me I opened up my Bible Gateway app on my phone and jumped straight to James 1:1 and began reading.

It jumped at me. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped, thinking, "Of course!" 

James 1:22-25

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does."

For as long as I can remember I have only thought to better myself to become a better Christian. Even though that isn't a bad idea, it shouldn't be the only thing I work on! For example. I know someone who knows someone who knows someone... Who knows an elderly couple who is in great shape. They exercise daily. Someone once mentioned to them, "I truly admire your vitality." The elderly couple smiled at each other and one responded, "Exercise gives you vitality!"

I don't remember where I heard this, but I remember someone asking another how to shape their character into a more Christ-like character. The other responded, "Serving others develops that character in more ways than one." I think he's right. It teaches you to put others before yourself. Isn't that what love is? Isn't that what Jesus did for us? 

I truly think God is calling me to serve Him in a way I never have done before. I suppose.. that was the idea in the beginning, right? Well better late than never. I now desire to find something I can invest my time into and serve others so I can learn what it truly means to put others before myself. I've been so passive in my life! So much of a consumer. 

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O' God-- How have you put up with me for so long?
Show me how I can serve.
Show me how I can avoid passiveness. 

I was blind.

But now I see.

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Special prayer request: I've struggled a lot with my confidence in my salvation. There are times where I am certain, and then there are times where I think back to where scripture says, "Lord Lord, have we not cast out demons in your name-etc" And I worry. Because an eternity in torment just cries out ''PLEASE CONFIRM!"  Any one can have the knowledge of the bible. Even understand what it means, that doesn't mean they're In Christ. They can even put words together to sound like they know what they're talking about. That doesn't mean they have salvation. I beg of God to show me anything I am missing. I am His to mold. My life is His to take hold. Not I, but Christ in me. 

God, that's what I desire. Not I, but Christ in me.